I Write Because... 

Telling the world about your eating disorder is a really funny concept. 

 

Whether it was going to a new therapist or trying a new food, every small step in my journey was a battle, and every battle won deserved a celebration. However, despite the team of doctors I worked with and the amazing support system of friends and family behind me, taking pride in any progression in a mental disorder felt to me like a personal endeavor.

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I write to remind myself that I am a survivor, despite of how many new challenges threaten my path to recovery. Writing allows me to privately congratulate the progress I've made since I was first diagnosed with an eating disorder so many years ago, since verbally sharing that type of progress never felt like something to casually bring up at the dinner table. 

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I have always journaled through life's challenges rather than openly about them. The darkest, most wicked thoughts produced by the voice of an eating disorder are unforgiving and judgmental; the pages of a book are always an open space to talk through my anxiety with myself before sharing it with my support team. My journal never bites back or judges, I can simply be in recovery without fear of being seen as weak, .   

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Writing reminds me that I am more than my eating disorder. I am a sister and a friend, a daughter and a student, a fighter and a damn hard worker. How can I "move on" from a challenge that continues to test me, especially multiple times a day? The only answer I've taken solace in, is writing.